It’s now April 6.
And I haven’t eaten dessert since February 28.
First, YAY.
Second, that’s only sort of true. Let me explain.
On March 2, I was talking to a friend and said, “I haven’t eaten dessert all month.” Please understand—it was March 2nd. There’s nothing all that impressive about not eating dessert for two days. But getting to say that sentence was so empowering. It let me have a taste of what it would be like to have control over what I ate, especially when I’d been struggling that for so long. It would remind me that dessert doesn’t rule me, sweets don’t rule me, I rule myself. I have self-control from the Holy Spirit, and I can do it.
So, I did it. I decided not to eat dessert for a month.
Now, let me get specific. Down to the details, just for clarity and so you’re not overimpressed:
I had already made plans to go to pie night with Rah on spring break, so I knew I’d eat dessert on March 18. I also realized I’d be visiting New York City for part of spring break, so I told myself I could have dessert three times when I was there. So I had pie on pie night, ice cream in New York, and cookies in New York. I only ate it twice in New York—even less than I'd allowed!
I would eat a donut or pancake if it was a meal, but, for the most part, I didn’t eat much food that even, like those two, resembled dessert. I was especially assiduous at the beginning—no muffins or some bread products or anything that could resemble dessert—but near the end I got a little more chill. Funny story, I unthinkingly ate a few Oreo crumbles on March 31. MARCH THIRTY-FIRST. That’s the last day of March. So that could be a bummer, but I just choose to look at it as a non-issue. Because it wasn’t an attitude change, just an accident.
And you know what? Just like anything, the more I’ve practiced, the better I’ve gotten. I’m eight days into April. I told myself I couldn’t have dessert till I made a new plan and I wrote about my non-dessert month. I’ve been too busy to write about it, so I’ve still not been eating dessert. And that’s been okay! Yes, I compensate in some ways—I’ll have chocolate in my oats or with an apple and peanut butter. But I can say that I didn’t eat dessert for forty days, as of today. And it may not be true legalistically, but it’s true in its reflection of my mindset. I am mentally strong enough, my will was strong enough, I haven’t had candy or useless sugar or random dessert. The Holy Spirit equipped me to “say no to all unrighteousness and ungodliness,” like I’ve been praying for so much.
I know that I'll still have to practice restraint, and it'll still be hard. But it’s not about achieving balance, it’s about learning balance. So maybe if I allow myself to have dessert again, I’ll make it have to be for certain reasons, or at certain times. I think those stringencies will be best for me—choosing ahead of time when I will and won’t eat dessert. Any random, pressure-situation, not sought-out desserts don’t make me a better person or happier. So that’s probably what I’ll go with. And if a dessert comes up that I didn’t have the option to plan for? Well, recently I’ve said no, and I’ve liked that. But we’ll see.
Here’s the plan:
Until I leave school on May 16, I need to plan out my desserts (preferably fewer than two) at the beginning of the week. I may bake two times and be spontaneous three times. In other words, I will continue to live the no dessert lifestyle, with not quite as much self-denial, until school is out.
Last thing: You’re reading this. You aren't me. So don’t read this as a recommendation for you. Don’t read it as something you could never do. Read this as a story of sanctification—my process of becoming more holy. Read it and see my answered prayer, strength from the Holy Spirit, and growth. Read it as God being faithful to teach me even though I’ve failed him in that area over and over and over again.
