Letters: To my Friend who Lost a Parent

Today, I found out that an old friend had suddenly lost her father while she was a missionary in Africa. Here's the letter I wrote. It's not as good as it could have been, so I'm not sure if I'll send it. Regardless, here are some of my thoughts on grief, especially on mission. 

Baking: Mini Cinnamon Sugar Pumpkin Muffins

I've wanted to try this post from Averie Cooks for quite a while, and finally made it a few weekends ago.

The recipe is simple—the only ingredients I had to buy were pumpkin filling and molasses, I think. 

Some muffins were plain, and others I covered with chocolate chips.

They're a pretty happy little recipe.

Now for the verdict:

Taste: 7/10 They were a little too dense. I'd probably try a different pumpkin recipe next time.

Visual: 8/10 Adorably tiny, and I love the idea of rolling them in sugar! 

Easy-to-Make: 8/10 The recipe itself was simple, and the sugar coating didn't require any dipping! Just roll the hot muffins in the cinnamon sugar. 

Here's the link!

Letters: To All Moms

Dear Moms,

Hi. I'm Madeline. And I just wanted to tell you a few things that you need to know. 

1) You do not need your house, kids, or life to be clean in order to be a "good mom." 

You probably know this in at least one area of your life, but remember it in parenting too: what's outside isn't nearly as important as what's inside. So if you haven't washed your towels, picked up the living room, or folded laundry for days on end, that's okay. And if it's never done all the way, know that you're living in reality. Don't sponsor a standard that you can't live up to. Your life can be beautiful even if your kitchen isn't. 

2) Pray over your children. I don't have good prayer habits, so I say this from a weak position. Praying over people is powerful because it gives you perspective on their situation. It helps you surrender them to God. It also reminds you to ask your kids for things to pray for them, which is a question that's easy to forget. 

3) Love the stains. Ben Rector wrote the truth when he said, "Life is mostly what we choose to see." When your kid puts a four-inch scratch in the kitchen table, make it into something you love. Did he do it when he was trying to reach something too far away? Remind yourself to pursue things with abandon, and that it's okay if they don't turn out perfectly. Did he do it when he was angry? Remind yourself that anger has consequences, and not to get angry with him so he has a good example. It works similarly with carpet stains, car dents, paint scuffs, everything. 

Lastly, remember that you're doing something hard. One of the more encouraging things I've read as a writer is On Writing Well, a book by William Zinsser. He wrote that if writing feels hard, that's because it is. We only read final drafts of things, so we forget how many drafts it took to get there, but it's hard for everyone. Grammar, creativity, structure, it all takes time and practice and lots of mistakes. It's okay if being a mom feels hard—that's because it is. 
You guys are doing something important. I love you. 

Baking: Daily Meals

I love to cook, but most of the cooking I do is in my dorm room. This means that my resources are a fridge, one-fourth of the cabinets, a scrap of counter space, and a stove that's through two doorways and down the stairs. I generally make food by tossing together any ingredients in my fridge and pantry. So for today's post, I'm sharing some pics of easy, quick, make-in-a-dorm-room meals! Many of which were taken in bad lighting, which is sad. Gotta work with whatcha got, ya know?

This is black bean soup from Panera heated with chicken, tomatoes, an egg, 

This is what health foodies call nicecream—frozen bananas blended with whatever flavors you want! The bottom layer in this one is cocoa, the middle is berry (from my frozen mixed berries from Target), and the top is cinnamon oat. 

Here's yogurt and apple with almonds, chia, and coconut on top!

This night I dipped an apple in oats, trail mix, coconut, peanut butter, chocolate chips, or goat cheese!

I'll finish off with a true tossed meal—rice crackers from Target with everything in the pantry on top! 

Hope you enjoyed seeing what I throw together on a regular basis. I've found that for me, it's all about keeping the right ingredients in the fridge. Simple, heathy, and delicious! 

Baking: Chocolate Peanut Butter Chia Pudding from Emilie Eats

I have a difficult time starting blog posts. What do I say first? Usually I come up with some general (and generally meaningless statement) that does a sub-par job of leading into whatever I'm writing about that day. 

Today I'm going to try for concision and accuracy. 

Last week, I made Peanut Butter Cup Chia Seed Pudding, a recipie from Emilie Eats that I saw on Instagram. 

Isn't it beautiful? It's layers of chocolate and peanut butter flavors topped with sliced banana, coconut, and chocolate chips. I'm not the most avid lover of chia pudding, but this was delicious as far as they go! I was thinking that it's be interesting to try the same ingredients as an overnight oat recipe instead. 

I'd give it a 9/10 on visual, taste, and easy-to-make-ness. Such high ratings! I think the fun of using a mason jar helped, as did the fun of throwing half the contents of my pantry on top. 

Here's the link, so if you're feeling adventurous, check it out! 

Messay: No Dessert

It’s now April 6. 

And I haven’t eaten dessert since February 28. 

First, YAY. 

Second, that’s only sort of true. Let me explain.

On March 2, I was talking to a friend and said, “I haven’t eaten dessert all month.” Please understand—it was March 2nd. There’s nothing all that impressive about not eating dessert for two days. But getting to say that sentence was so empowering. It let me have a taste of what it would be like to have control over what I ate, especially when I’d been struggling that for so long. It would remind me that dessert doesn’t rule me, sweets don’t rule me, I rule myself. I have self-control from the Holy Spirit, and I can do it. 

So, I did it. I decided not to eat dessert for a month. 

Now, let me get specific. Down to the details, just for clarity and so you’re not overimpressed:

I had already made plans to go to pie night with Rah on spring break, so I knew I’d eat dessert on March 18. I also realized I’d be visiting New York City for part of spring break, so I told myself I could have dessert three times when I was there. So I had pie on pie night, ice cream in New York, and cookies in New York. I only ate it twice in New York—even less than I'd allowed!

I would eat a donut or pancake if it was a meal, but, for the most part, I didn’t eat much food that even, like those two, resembled dessert. I was especially assiduous at the beginning—no muffins or some bread products or anything that could resemble dessert—but near the end I got a little more chill. Funny story, I unthinkingly ate a few Oreo crumbles on March 31. MARCH THIRTY-FIRST. That’s the last day of March. So that could be a bummer, but I just choose to look at it as a non-issue. Because it wasn’t an attitude change, just an accident.

And you know what? Just like anything, the more I’ve practiced, the better I’ve gotten. I’m eight days into April. I told myself I couldn’t have dessert till I made a new plan and I wrote about my non-dessert month. I’ve been too busy to write about it, so I’ve still not been eating dessert. And that’s been okay! Yes, I compensate in some ways—I’ll have chocolate in my oats or with an apple and peanut butter. But I can say that I didn’t eat dessert for forty days, as of today. And it may not be true legalistically, but it’s true in its reflection of my mindset. I am mentally strong enough, my will was strong enough, I haven’t had candy or useless sugar or random dessert. The Holy Spirit equipped me to “say no to all unrighteousness and ungodliness,” like I’ve been praying for so much.

I know that I'll still have to practice restraint, and it'll still be hard. But it’s not about achieving balance, it’s about learning balance. So maybe if I allow myself to have dessert again, I’ll make it have to be for certain reasons, or at certain times. I think those stringencies will be best for me—choosing ahead of time when I will and won’t eat dessert. Any random, pressure-situation, not sought-out desserts don’t make me a better person or happier. So that’s probably what I’ll go with. And if a dessert comes up that I didn’t have the option to plan for? Well, recently I’ve said no, and I’ve liked that. But we’ll see. 

Here’s the plan:

Until I leave school on May 16, I need to plan out my desserts (preferably fewer than two) at the beginning of the week. I may bake two times and be spontaneous three times. In other words, I will continue to live the no dessert lifestyle, with not quite as much self-denial, until school is out.

Last thing: You’re reading this. You aren't me. So don’t read this as a recommendation for you. Don’t read it as something you could never do. Read this as a story of sanctification—my process of becoming more holy. Read it and see my answered prayer, strength from the Holy Spirit, and growth. Read it as God being faithful to teach me even though I’ve failed him in that area over and over and over again.