I'm pretty sure this won't qualify as a messay. But it doesn't fit under any other category, and I don't want it hanging out in the world wide web without a categorical home, so I'm putting it here.
It's not a messay, it's more of an update. On my mind, and my life, and what's been going on that I haven't shown on here.
Things I've Been Thinking About:
Music, specifically the fact that I've been listening to Hamilton and Chance the Rapper, and in the past I've had a zero-tolerance rule on explicit music. This shift has caused me to think about my standards. the discussion seems to have resolved into a theoretical exploration of the lines between art and porn.
Writing, specifically I've been working on my book every day. Which is exciting because I'm writing every day, and calling it a book, and who am I to do either of those things. But it means that a lot of my processing has been on paper, and not this blog, sorry.
Societal Lines, specifically my general confusion over how I can be friends with some people and not others. I try to figure out if I'm not friends with people because I'm not situationally around them or because there's actually something disparate in our levels of interaction that prevents us from being friends.
The Church, and stances it actively and passively adopts that harm its mission field. I'm going to be honest, I believe in natural selection and evolution, but I don't think that proves false in any substantial way the Genesis account. The church engages with the issues of homosexuality and abortion, and is disappointed when our government supports these things, but I don't think it's the government's job to legislate morality. I think if these are legal, it's not a failure of the government, but of the church.
Friends, specifically wondering how many people I can effectively be friends with. I tend to over-diversify, and hang out with like twenty people once each over the course of three or four weeks, but this doesn't seem to be working as well as I may like, because Jane has shown me by example that depth is better than breadth, so now I'm trying to pick my friends, and I think it's hard and annoying, so I'm still trying to figure that out.
Food, and how I can make it a big part of my life. I love the grocery store, and my soul jumps when I see baking accouterments, but I also regularly struggle with gluttony and overeating, so I'm trying to figure out where the line between these things is, and where the joy is polluted by my overindulgence. This is complicated by living in a dorm room, which necessitates living where my food is. I'm sadly in the habit of snacking every time I come into my room, so that's problematic.
Success, and what I need to be doing, and if I should just be a waitress and a baker and a writer-on-the-side, or if I need to participate in what people tell me is some great intelligence that I have, that I seem to have spent lots of money cultivating by coming to college, so I'm wondering what to do about that. money? or nah?
I think that's good for now.
happy sabbath, love you guys (you invisible readers. thank u for listening to me)
Charlie
P.S. Clarity to come soon (aka like March) on my identity crisis, which probably would confuse you if "you" even existed. **UPDATE YAY NOW WE KNOW THE SUMMER SHADOW!**
